At my last visit with my psychiatrist he asked me, “What do YOU want to do when your kids are in school?”

I stopped and thought and couldn’t seem to speak. Eventually I told him I hadn’t really thought about it.

Becoming a mom takes a lot from you. For awhile you lose sense of who you are, or at least I did. You are a cook, story teller, diaper changer, chauffeur, a live in maid, financial adviser, head of management and so forth…

I have always been the type where I have to plan everything and if something doesn’t go according to plan I freak.

When I graduated high school, the plan was to attend community college and graduate with my associates, get my degree in Ag Education at a University and get my Masters degree once I had accomplished all that. I would then get married after finding a good job and eventually raise a family. That’s how it all turned out right? Close, but not quite.

I’ve accomplished the Associates degree and completed another year towards a degree in Ag Business before being derailed by a freight train.

After all that knocked me down, I didn’t manage to get back on the horse (college) before we were blessed unexpectedly with Grady. It wasn’t until almost four months in that we found out I was pregnant.

I’ve wanted to get back to college and take classes and it is always on my mind but with two children and a husband who farms for a living so far that has been impossible.

When my psychiatrist asked me that day what I wanted to do with the rest of my life, I was dumbfounded. I hadn’t even thought, hey I still have a life to live for MYSELF. I am more than just a mom. The last couple of nights I have had even more difficulty falling asleep (dang farmers and their time change needs 🙂 ). Laying in bed, my mind wanders from A to Z but the last few nights it has gone back over and over to what I want to do with the rest of my life.

Here is what I’ve come up with as a list of possibilities:

1. Write a childrens book to promote agricultural literacy!
2. Go back to college to complete a degree in Ag Journalism and freelance for various ag publications.
3. Become a certified vet assistant and work in a large animal clinic.
4. To not go back to work and work a long side my husband on the farm and be basically a “room mom” at school, when needed.
5. Open up a greenhouse and nursery.

Truth is, no matter which of these paths I take, or even if I don’t take any of these paths it’s important to do something that makes me happy. That brings joy and a sense of accomplishment.

I am blessed to be able to stay at home with both of my children during these years that I will never get back. However, thinking of the future and what God has planned makes me excited. I love agriculture, love promoting it and living it. I hope it is included somehow in my future. I am sure it will be, being as almost anything you do or need somehow in one way or another relates back to agriculture.

I know raising kids is an accomplishment in itself. It’s probably the most challenging yet rewarding job out there. I know no matter what I do or don’t do as a career woman in the future, my children won’t care. They will remember the times we checked cows and “mooed” at ever cow out there, jumping in mud puddles until their boots were stuck in the mud, fishing in “their” pond, or just singing International Harvester at the top of our lungs as we drove to preschool everyday.

As much as I think I need to do something “career” wise to impress my children or satisfy my need for accomplishment, the truth is, I’ve already accomplished so much. No matter what God has in store for the future I am just happy being mom and enjoying it while I still can.

If I would’ve told my 18 year old self that in 10 years I would have two children, no college degree, and was a stay at home mom, I probably would laugh. Life hasn’t gone according to plan and it has caused me much chaos but I am starting to learn you can’t live by a plan. You can plan, plan, plan all you want, but you never know what is to come or what road blocks or blessings you may face.

What I can do, is look back at the life I thought I would plan for myself and smile and laugh at the road God has decided to put me on instead. Maybe he thought I needed time to figure out what I wanted to do with my life. Maybe he knew I was going through such a dark time and a little bundle of joy and the work that comes with it would pull me from my lowest of lows. Maybe he knew I needed a bottle calf this week to snap me out of my funk and remind me how simple and enjoyable life can be when you have something that makes you happy. Yes, it took a bottle calf to remind me of my earlier years. To remind me how much I love animals and the outdoors. God put her in front of me and just a couple days later decided he had another cow who would take her and give her the life she deserves. Just like that, my wake up call has gone back out to the pasture to live the life God has planned for her.

We can plan our life….or we can live our life accordingly. Planning can make for a nice life, a cautious life. Living life accordingly can be a challenge but I’ve learned to go with it and live day by day. Today I may be a stay at home mom but in 15 years I may be speaking at a women in ag conference about where I am today. So my new plan,  is there is no plan. I am open to whatever he has in store. For now I will raise my children until he tosses something else on my plate or takes something off it. I will be happy with the life I live and look forward to my future of living according to his plan.

Here we are at 11:30pm. Really 12:30AM with the time change, well not quite yet but same concept. Anyways, I once again am unable to get my mind to shut down or wind down for the night.

My husbands family farm equipment auction was this weekend. I have only been around 10 short years compared to the lifetime Seth’s family has been involved in the daily operation of Olipharm Inc.

My husbands grandfather built this farm he has, from nothing except the help he had from his partner and what I would call his financial backer. Now most of you may think, well he was just relying on the money from the partner to make this all work. That isn’t the case.

His partner passed away a few years ago. In just the short time hes been gone, things have drastically changed for his families operation.

When I first met Seth, I thought he was lying about the acreage his grandfather owned and rented and the number of head of cattle he was running.  I thought it was all for show and to somehow impress me. Turns out he wasn’t lying. From the first date I had with Seth, he has never said a bad word about the man nor disrespected him in any form. He talks so highly of him. After being here, going on ten years I can easily see why.

He’s not a man who brags about what he has accomplished. He’s not a man that lives a luxurious life even though he has the means to be able to. The man just sold his truck at the auction this weekend and it had well over 200,000 miles on itas problem after problem. I feel as though most men who had to put up with as many problems as that truck had would’ve just went and bought a new one. He never did. In fact he bought a brand new farm truck for the farm. He could’ve easily driven it as his daily driver, but instead let the farm hand drive it full time. He didn’t buy fancy equipment or much new equipment. He knew how to keep his money tight and did so and you can see how that was an benefit when it came down to what he has built.

Many don’t realize the expense farming has with it. When I see a $300,000 house listed or even a $200,000, I think most people don’t realize, that to a farmer, one who buys new equipment that could easily be met with just a few pieces of machinery or just a brand new combine in itself.

We have always relied on the benefit of being able to use his grandfathers and uncles equipment which I know has allowed us to get where we are today. I don’t know how someone my age could start farming and make a living by just the farm without the help of an established farmer or family farm.

Seth’s father wasn’t a farmer full time when he passed away. He helped as much as he could on the farm after work. He is the grandson and nephew of a farmer, and that puts us in a predicament when starting out on our own. We have always relied on his grandfathers equipment to put out hay, mow rake and bale hay, and his uncle to plant and harvest our crop.

With his grandpa having the auction he did this weekend we were tossed out in the ocean without our life vests so to speak. We are truly starting our operation in the next months to come. Luckily we were able to purchase a rake and baler at the auction and are set for the hay season as we have been able to purchase a tractor and mower this past summer. It’s nerve racking. Its frustrating trying to beg for money at the bank when the chances of staying a float are up in the air. Luckily we found a few who were able to take a chance on us, and I know if we can manage to make it through the next couple of years we should be sitting in a much better position.

What has kept us driven and bound and determined to do what we can is to keep his grandfathers legacy alive. To not let something he has worked so hard for his ENTIRE life just fly out the window. You see a lot of family farms that are broken up when one generation passes away due to greed and the amount of money they are able to obtain. Other generations work together day after day to maintain a future for the next generation to come. I know some family acreage is sold to make money to make it through the tough times that come with farming. It kills me when that happens and I pray Seth and I are able to hold on to the acreage we bought last year to pass down to our little farm kids.

I hope we can look back in 50 years and be proud of what we have accomplished. I hope his grandfather is doing the same tonight. I hope he knows he has worked his whole life for something that most of his family is willing to continue on. I hope he knows he has a grandson who he has taught strong worth ethic, raising a crop, and the ins and outs of raising cattle.

As we go in to the next couple of months I pray I am able to help out more, and be the woman I want to be, the one who works out in the field with her husband, the one that makes me happy. I feel greatest when I have worked a days work out on the farm or just working and accomplishing something in general. That may be loading thousands of tires and square bales with my dad. Mowing thousands of hours with my dad. Hauling hay with my husband. Attempting to help work cattle (I’m not the greatest, but I will learn right?)

I want to be more involved. Mow and rake hay. Field cultivate. Haul more hay, etc. That is what makes me feel more like myself out of anything in the world (well besides fishing and gardening lol).

I want to be a farmHER just not a farm wife. I am stepping up the plate this year and I hope my husband knows that. I know there will be lots of laughs and tears as I make stupid mistakes, but I can only learn from them.

Up until this point I haven’t been able to be as involved as I would like because Seth’s grandfather and other farmers don’t believe women belong out working on the farm. When Seth and I first met, I mowed as much as I could at the farm even though his grandfather didn’t think I should.

I am not a girly girly. I would like to be at times. I haven’t worn makeup in over 5 months other than just mascara, and heck I’m probably not even applying that right. I look like a five year old when I try to use a curling iron to curl my hair, so those have been tossed in a drawer and have an inch of dust on them. If this puts things in to perspective- I have and wear more of a variety of hats than my husband. It’s just me. I am comfortable. Basic Tee, jeans, and lately more tennis shoes than boots. I always want to put make up on and a sexy outfit for a date night with my husband but then when I finally apply makeup and put on something I don’t normally wear I feel so uncomfortable and silly it sometimes ruins the night. When I get my hair cut, it has to be something that looks right when it is in a pony sticking out the back of a ball cap. That’s just me. I’ve tried to be the girly type, but that’s just not me.Heaven help Kinze if she ever wants to be a cheerleader or be the girly type, although already shes acts more like a boy than a girl, lol.

Regardless, I was raised in a farming environment, and Seth obviously was too. Our kids have the choice to be whoever and whatever they want to be. I just hope that with the farm life, the work load, work ethic, and memories they are able to at least enjoy the life we give them. I hope they are able to hopefully pass on the traits that our grandpas and families have given to us to their children.

Like they say you can take the girl from the farm, but not the farm out of the girl. Or in our case our kids may choose to leave the farm, but no matter what they will always have the memories, the work ethic, and knowledge of agriculture that our families have passed down to us. Farming is in our blood, and no matter how much anyone or anything tries to change us we will always have family traditions and the farming way of life pumping through our veins.