When one door closes……a few windows open!!

Have you ever had one of those weeks where NOTHING I mean absolutely NOTHING goes right? That was my week last week and the beginning of this week. It just seemed as though everything was going wrong and it just continued to escalate. It only took me a WEEK to figure out that my negative thinking was causing my negative week. I was to focused on what was going wrong in my life to even notice the huge blessings I have in my life.

I have always been a pessimist and almost drowned myself in not only everything that has gone wrong but everything that may go wrong as well. Looking back I can’t remember a time where it wasn’t like that. I would honestly have to say that this is probably my biggest weakness: MY OWN attitude towards life.

After the week I had though I had a realization and my outlook on situations are beginning to change. Last week Seth and I found out that our AMAZING babysitter was closing up shop (I don’t blame her, I don’t know how she does it). The same day I managed to drop my phone out of my back pocket and in to the toilet (is there a nastier place for it to land). My ATT phone that I had unlocked wasn’t accepted at verizon (which I still don’t understand). I completely missed a meeting at work which I told my boss I would be there for. I spent soooo much of my time running from one farm to the next to look for my husband since I had no way to contact him. A BIG opportunity that Seth and I have been hoping for came in to sight so close we thought we could touch it but was ripped away and I don’t see it ever coming back to us again. Last but not least, I had to put my two weeks notice in at work; to a job that I LOVE. A job that I’ve been at for two years, which is a huge accomplishment for me judging by my past work history and my mental illness that has put a road block in front of me more than once. This time though, with help from a boss who was more than great to me I was able to hang on to the position. What I did, wasn’t saving lives, shaping the minds of the future, or serving our country but I loved what I did and I didn’t mind going to work, I actually was excited for work (mostly for the adult interaction, but who wouldn’t be). So I guess in hindsight it wasn’t really it a job because I loved what I did.

After last week and all my complaints and whining to anyone who would listen…..mostly the guys at work since I didn’t have a phone……I realized how awful of a person I was being. How awful of a person I’ve been a majority of my life. I have SO much to be thankful for, I am blessed with so much.

I have a roof over my head. A truck that gets to and from where ever I need to go. I have a full stomach (to full 85% of the time). I have a husband who has stuck by my side through disloyalty and basically throwing him in the mud. I have a family who despite my mishaps and mistakes in life, still love me unconditionally. I have friends who no matter how long its been since I’ve talked to them, we can pick up right where we left off no matter the distance. I am living in the best type of life a person can live: farm life. I am blessed to have medicine to keep me stable and control the crazy side that likes to come out more than I would like. Most of all I have two little human beings that I never knew would consume every ounce of love and then some, because being a mom is simply the most amazing thing I’ve done in life.

Today everything is looking up. While hustling around from work to Verizon and back and forth, I noticed a sign for preschool sign up. After meeting with what seems to be an AMAZING and SWEET teacher Grady is finally in preschool. I’ve been behind the eight ball on everything for him for most of his life, so I felt a HUGE sense of relief after meeting with this wonderful woman.

It is SOOO hard to trust your child with just anyone. I know you have to let them out of their bubble and live life, but I want that to be in a safe environment where I know they are safe and I have no need to worry about them. After seeing all the news on TV about children being abused or even killed at daycare, quite frankly the thought of leaving my child with someone I barely know scares the crap out of me. There I go over exaggerating and only seeing the negative. Regardless of what some may think, Seth and I have decided that right now it is best if I stay home with our children. Don’t get me wrong I am very EXCITED at the chance to watch my children grow and meet all their milestones but I also feel as though by staying home they miss out on the interactions with other children which I think are very important in life. However, as you read earlier Grady will finally be going to preschool which I think is CRUCIAL if he is going to stay home with this crazy woman all day.

Yes, I am the type who gets frazzled and freaked out when things don’t go as expected but after these past ten days I have decided I can’t live life like that. I can’t show my children that being negative is the way to be in life. They need to grow up knowing how blessed they are that they have food in their stomachs, a family who loves them, and a roof over their head. They don’t need to dwell on all that goes wrong. If they fall off their bike, they just need to get back on and go again. I’ve maybe fallen off the wagon this week but the wagon finally stopped, I got back on and I’ve told the driver to turn around and go the opposite direction towards “Blessingsville”. I now know that even when God slams one door shut on me…….he may open another or even multiples. I am blessed so blessed and that is a door that will FOREVER be open.

My three biggest blessings from blessingsville
My three biggest blessings from Blessingsville

Am I meant for this life as a farmers wife?

I’ve started this blog with the hopes of it being an outlet for me to vent and share stories and memories of being a farmers wife and a farm mom.

Growing up, I knew I was going to marry a farmer. What I didn’t know, was how hard it would be. They say its the simple life living on the farm but what many don’t know is its an everyday 24/7 365 days a year job.

On Christmas most children rush to open their presents from Santa, where a farm kid has to wait until the animals are fed. Or on Halloween most families go together to take the kids trick or treating, but for farm families this is the busiest time of the year: Harvest. Therefore, most of the time its just the mom and the kids doing the trick or treating.

I had this outlook when my husband and I first started dating that this would be the life. I would cater to my husband and bring him his every meal, spend endless hours in the tractor with him, and be there with a smile on my face when he rolled through the door every evening. Yes, that outlook lasted awhile, kind of similar to the “honeymoon phase” after marriage. Then reality sank in……how do farm wives do it?

When we first had our son, Grady I was a mess come planting and harvest. I didn’t know how I was going to make it. I looked at it as though “how am I going to raise this child on my own”? I tend to over-exaggerate things.

Don’t get me wrong, I love the farm life. The smell of dirt being turned, diesel fuel, fresh cut hay….shall I go on. The sound of the fans on a grain bin, weaning calves bawling, and the combine roaring through the field. I love the people of the agriculture industry and the values and worth ethic it teaches the generations to come.

That being said I am still having such a hard time adjusting and I’m TEN years in. We were blessed with Kinze last year, during the middle of harvest. On top of that Seth was coaching high school basketball and he was literally never home. I thought I would be so mad when I was in the hospital and he wasn’t there because they were in the field, but surprisingly I wasn’t. Had it been our first child I may have been, but with each harvest that passes I become a little stronger.

I think a lot of it was in the early years “we” weren’t farming to make a living, Seth was just farming for his grandpa. Within the last few years we’ve made farming our livelihood. Its crucial that the crops and livestock are tended to, or we wont be able to make ends meet. This has majorly changed my outlook on the long hours and all the work.

I love the way our son fills with joy each time he sees his dad or gets to ride with him in whatever tractor he may be in. I love that Grady knows more about farming, the equipment, and the process than most adults my age.

I love that when we meet a combine in the road and that farmer may have five cars right on his tail, he lets them go around when he gets a chance, but Grady says,”no mom stay behind him and put your “bashers” (flashers he can’t pronounce his f’s) on, he needs our help”. I love that my children will grow up knowing where their food comes from and have to work for the things they receive.

I enjoy nothing more than spending an afternoon in the field beside my husband harvesting something that has been tended to so closely over the year. Its do or die. There are so many risks with farming. Take this year for instance, with all the rain many fields didn’t get planted. My husbands grandfather and uncle then lost a majority of the crop that they did get in the ground to hail.

I may complain more than I would like to admit during harvest about my husbands absence. However, with each year that passes I gain a little bit more independence, patience, and strength to get me through. Yes, my truck and kitchen becomes a meals on wheels, my washer and dryer get the occasional corn kernel floating around, and I put double the miles on my vehicle going back and forth to the field but EVERY piece of that is worth it. It is worth the smile on my husbands face when that corn yields a little higher than expected. The excitement it gives Grady by being able to be a “barmer” (farmer) like his dad. Getting to see Kinze riding in the combine for the first time and finally warming up to it. The sense of pride that comes with knowing that even in some little way you had a hand in producing this crop. It truly is a miracle watching the corn or beans being put into the ground and watching them grow day by day. Watching what the weather and mother nature throws at them and how they react. Then watching the men work endless hours taking that crop out of the field and putting it in the bin. The whole process is truly remarkable. The lifestyle is amazing and the people involved are some of the best people you will ever meet.

So yes I might gripe and moan a little bit when I feel like I haven’t seen my husband for more than an hour in months, but I wouldn’t trade this life for anything. There’s no way I would trade my life…….because I am one proud farmers wife.


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