Have you ever had one of those weeks where NOTHING I mean absolutely NOTHING goes right? That was my week last week and the beginning of this week. It just seemed as though everything was going wrong and it just continued to escalate. It only took me a WEEK to figure out that my negative thinking was causing my negative week. I was to focused on what was going wrong in my life to even notice the huge blessings I have in my life.
I have always been a pessimist and almost drowned myself in not only everything that has gone wrong but everything that may go wrong as well. Looking back I can’t remember a time where it wasn’t like that. I would honestly have to say that this is probably my biggest weakness: MY OWN attitude towards life.
After the week I had though I had a realization and my outlook on situations are beginning to change. Last week Seth and I found out that our AMAZING babysitter was closing up shop (I don’t blame her, I don’t know how she does it). The same day I managed to drop my phone out of my back pocket and in to the toilet (is there a nastier place for it to land). My ATT phone that I had unlocked wasn’t accepted at verizon (which I still don’t understand). I completely missed a meeting at work which I told my boss I would be there for. I spent soooo much of my time running from one farm to the next to look for my husband since I had no way to contact him. A BIG opportunity that Seth and I have been hoping for came in to sight so close we thought we could touch it but was ripped away and I don’t see it ever coming back to us again. Last but not least, I had to put my two weeks notice in at work; to a job that I LOVE. A job that I’ve been at for two years, which is a huge accomplishment for me judging by my past work history and my mental illness that has put a road block in front of me more than once. This time though, with help from a boss who was more than great to me I was able to hang on to the position. What I did, wasn’t saving lives, shaping the minds of the future, or serving our country but I loved what I did and I didn’t mind going to work, I actually was excited for work (mostly for the adult interaction, but who wouldn’t be). So I guess in hindsight it wasn’t really it a job because I loved what I did.
After last week and all my complaints and whining to anyone who would listen…..mostly the guys at work since I didn’t have a phone……I realized how awful of a person I was being. How awful of a person I’ve been a majority of my life. I have SO much to be thankful for, I am blessed with so much.
I have a roof over my head. A truck that gets to and from where ever I need to go. I have a full stomach (to full 85% of the time). I have a husband who has stuck by my side through disloyalty and basically throwing him in the mud. I have a family who despite my mishaps and mistakes in life, still love me unconditionally. I have friends who no matter how long its been since I’ve talked to them, we can pick up right where we left off no matter the distance. I am living in the best type of life a person can live: farm life. I am blessed to have medicine to keep me stable and control the crazy side that likes to come out more than I would like. Most of all I have two little human beings that I never knew would consume every ounce of love and then some, because being a mom is simply the most amazing thing I’ve done in life.
Today everything is looking up. While hustling around from work to Verizon and back and forth, I noticed a sign for preschool sign up. After meeting with what seems to be an AMAZING and SWEET teacher Grady is finally in preschool. I’ve been behind the eight ball on everything for him for most of his life, so I felt a HUGE sense of relief after meeting with this wonderful woman.
It is SOOO hard to trust your child with just anyone. I know you have to let them out of their bubble and live life, but I want that to be in a safe environment where I know they are safe and I have no need to worry about them. After seeing all the news on TV about children being abused or even killed at daycare, quite frankly the thought of leaving my child with someone I barely know scares the crap out of me. There I go over exaggerating and only seeing the negative. Regardless of what some may think, Seth and I have decided that right now it is best if I stay home with our children. Don’t get me wrong I am very EXCITED at the chance to watch my children grow and meet all their milestones but I also feel as though by staying home they miss out on the interactions with other children which I think are very important in life. However, as you read earlier Grady will finally be going to preschool which I think is CRUCIAL if he is going to stay home with this crazy woman all day.
Yes, I am the type who gets frazzled and freaked out when things don’t go as expected but after these past ten days I have decided I can’t live life like that. I can’t show my children that being negative is the way to be in life. They need to grow up knowing how blessed they are that they have food in their stomachs, a family who loves them, and a roof over their head. They don’t need to dwell on all that goes wrong. If they fall off their bike, they just need to get back on and go again. I’ve maybe fallen off the wagon this week but the wagon finally stopped, I got back on and I’ve told the driver to turn around and go the opposite direction towards “Blessingsville”. I now know that even when God slams one door shut on me…….he may open another or even multiples. I am blessed so blessed and that is a door that will FOREVER be open.