I have always been involved in the agriculture industry in about every point of my life in some little way. My dad got out of farming to quick for me to be actively involved on a daily basis growing up, but I still managed to steer back towards it when I stepped out on my own.

I have talked over and over about the pride that comes with the industry. Even today, G and I were watching You Tube videos about Windrowers because I bought him one when I had to pick up parts at John Deere this morning. Which led to watching videos of custom wheat harvest from this year. It is soo cool. I highly recommend watching them. Grady loves them and could sit and watch them for hours. Back to the topic at hand, sense of pride, I will FOREVER be so proud of being part of this industry.

I’ve always been one who beats the topic to death about supporting agriculture and anything that might entail. Whether that be caged chickens, GMOs, hog barns, feed lots, etc. I would fight to the end for those issues and supporting the agriculture side.

However, today my thoughts and opinions were thrown a curve ball. News of a hog barn that will be going up within a two mile radius (as a crow flies) to our home and our community was introduced to me by a local farmer. He posted a letter that was sent to a resident back on September 24th.

I am very confused as to why most of the community members are just now finding out. In the letter it states that written comments can be sent to the DNR within 30 days from the date the letter was sent. That only leaves roughly two weeks to get something put together to express our concerns for our community.

Seth and I have toured a hog operation owned by this same United Hog Systems. We were impressed by how clean and well maintained this facility was. Honestly, I don’t remember smelling a thing, granted we didn’t get off the bus that day as it was a drive through tour but I was very impressed. It looked as though a white two story house with a wrap around porch and a white picket fence should be placed beside it because it was that well maintained. Granted, things might have been cleaned up with the knowledge that members of the Missouri Young Farmers and Young Farm Wives was coming for a tour, but I still give the owner the benefit of the doubt. He had a very nice facility.

Growing up I was involved with hogs, granted no more than eight a year. Even then we had neighbors complain about the smell of these eight gilts…EIGHT gilts. Which gets me really thinking……this barn is said to be bringing in 7000 gilts/boars and it is my understanding that those numbers aren’t including the litters. The average sow produces 8/10/12 ( I found all three numbers) pigs a litter and I have found numbers suggesting 40 piglets per year expected per sow. So lets just low ball it and say those 882 sows that they mention in the letter produced 8 piglets per litter, that would make 7056 piglets. You multiply that by 3 (Sows gestation period is 3 months, 3 weeks, 3 days- 114 days) that makes 21,168 piglets a year. The letter is vague about the operation with exactly how those barns will work although those who are actively involved in the swine field make know exactly what they are talking about with those numbers–if so, please feel free to comment so I am able to understand.

Many are also concerned with the land value decreasing due to this barn being put in. After doing a small amount of research I really only found a few things about decreasing land values. This being one of them:

A study by the University of Missouri found that the existence of a CAFO (Concentrated Animal Feeding Operation) decreases property values of nearby farms by about $100 an acre (Mubarak, Johnson, and Miller 1999). A broader study (Palmquist, Roka, and Vukina 1997) found a 9 percent drop in home values caused by nearby CAFOs. – See more at: http://www.perc.org/articles/hog-farm-justice#sthash.OlNjfCsH.dpuf

This information is from 1999 so really its a wash. That was 16 year ago. So really that number may have decreased or increased.

Like I have said prior, I am always for AGRICULTURE. There are so many ag bashers out there that those in the industry have to really stand their ground about the industry and beliefs. Am I 100 percent in favor of this barn coming in to the area, honestly no. It kills me to say that because I am going against something I believe so firmly in. However, I believe with the advances in technology and knowledge, this barn will have a less ill effect on the community than most may think.

After thinking about it, there are a couple other barns or operations within a 20 mile radius that I can think of and after thinking about it, driving by there you don’t smell anything. Granted my nose may be accustomed to these types of smells thanks to working for the City of Sedalia’s sewer department for two years now, however I can’t remember a time I actually smelt them. The chicken barns around here you for sure can. Tyson you for sure can….there are many nights you can smell tyson from our house and I swear sometimes it’s almost as though you can smell what type of chicken they are making that day (BBQ is what I always seem to smell).

I don’t want those reading this to think I am a hypocrite and going back on my beliefs, because I am not. I simply understand both sides on this. Either way this goes, I will understand.

The fact is America has to eat. Most Americans gripe and complain about the smells, the way animals are treated, and the farmers and ranchers who raise our food. The fact is without those people and their animals all of us (except those who could live off the land themselves) would be naked and hungry.

Do I understand why this man can’t put his hog barns on the many acres he owns in Saline County? Yes, he wants to save that ground for crop productivity since the dirt north of us is way better than here.

Let’s look at it this way…..if this was a local farmer who we all knew and loved who was wanting to put in this hog barn, would we be against this as much? Is it because it is an outsider coming in? If Seth and I had purchased this property and decided to put a feed lot on it, would we all have the same outlook??

Before we go bashing these barns, we need to look at the big picture. Pettis County is a county I would considered based around agriculture. The people you meet for the most part have some link to agriculture even if it’s in some little way. We can either stand behind agriculture and show the community the pride and compassion we have for the crops and livestock we raise, or we can turn around and bash those that are trying to do what we are, make a living doing what they love. Am I concerned that this may be a way for United Hog Systems to get their foot in the door and to continue to bring more barns to the area…YES, but that is no different than what Tyson or Cargill has done in this area before. It is my understanding that these hog barns have to meet strict regulations and guidelines, by the EPA, DNR, etc. I simply don’t know all the facts and I would assume (even though we all know what assuming does) that most of those against it don’t know all of the facts either. Until we can get the facts and find out how these barns will cause problems in the area whether it be through air quality, water table, land values, etc we can’t jump to conclusions. We think hog barns and we automatically think of the worst smell you can smell times 10 and the filth and crap that comes with it. In today’s case that’s not how it is at most operations. Most are well maintained and high tech.

As I have said before, I am not 100 percent for these barns going in. If it was someone local I don’t think I would have a problem. If I knew more about the water table and how these barns may cause problems with it I may have more of a issue. I honestly do feel for those who have land that is beside this property and even those within closer proximity than where I sit. However, I also feel for the farmer. He is doing what he has to, to make another dollar. We would all do it. Money is a high demand product in today’s world and most would do whatever they could to make more. My head tells me no these barns will be bad for the community but my heart tells me otherwise. My heart has always had a soft spot for agriculture and those involved in the industry and each year as I grow another year older, my blood pumps a little bit harder for the ag industry thanks to my heart and love for something we all need, whether we want to admit it or not. So before we decide we are against these barns completely I suggest you investigate and find out a little more information if you are so concerned with these barns coming to the community.

These barns may be put in and the stench will be terrible and all of you will rub it in my face and say I told you so, or we may not smell a thing, may realize this company and its facilities are well maintained and be thankful we didn’t over react. Either way, I encourage those who are against this to investigate find out more about how these barns may effect our community, but I beg you not to not only look at the ill effects but the positives as well. We can’t rule something out just because of the stereotypes that comes with any CAFO.

I encourage you to look past what your head is telling you, and take in to consideration how your heart feels about this situation. My heart is for agriculture and always will be.

Most people look at farmers and think one of two things; Either they are extremely poor or extremely well off. This can be true depending how you look at the lifestyle.

The average age of a farmer in the United States today is 57. That means most of the farmers are aging out, passing their farms down, or selling out.

To get into farming it is EXPENSIVE so EXPENSIVE, that is if you start out fresh with no resources. Some are lucky and will be handed their family farm at some point in their life. In that case, their livelihood is established and in most cases thriving (but not always).

Seth and I have been very fortunate to be able to use the Farm Service Agency to get our feet wet and start building slowly but surely. They offer many programs to help young or beginning farmers out, and I highly recommend that if you qualify, you should sign up. It’s low interest rates, someone monitoring your actions, and they won’t approve something if they don’t think it will work. Using their program we were able to purchase our first farm at a lower interest rate than you would see at a bank or another financial lender. Along with purchasing all the cows we have so far.

Many people on the outside looking in don’t realize the upfront cost to farming. To start up you have to have the ground. If you don’t own that ground you must lease it. Depending on what type of ground it is the price will vary. Pasture may be 60 dollars and acre and row crop ground can go anywhere from $90-180 acre just depending on where that ground lies and how bad you want it.

From there, if you are renting pasture you have to supply the cows to put on it. This can be anywhere from $2600-$2900 (these numbers could be off don’t hold me to it–just get the point its EXPENSIVE) for a bred cow. So lets say you rent 300 acres at $60/ac that is $18,000 in lease right there. Then you have to supply the cows you put on it. Say you put 100 head on it that is $290,000. What 26 or 27 year old has that type of money lying around?

Of course any lender isn’t going to let you go that big that quick. Seth and I started with ten cows and we have just continued to grow year after year. We have been fortunate enough to buy a majority (not all) of our cows at a very reasonable price from his grandfather which has helped out tremendously.

From there you have to have the equipment– trailers to haul them to the sale barn, a tractor or truck to feed them hay, some sort of 4 wheeler or side by side (not necessary but it makes life easier when it comes to calving), haying equipment, brush hog etc. You then have to supply the feed, the mineral, the vaccines, tags, etc.

Am I griping that it is a lot of money, NO? You see going into farming you have to realize how risky the business is. You NEVER know what mother nature is going to throw at you. Like just a few years ago we had a terrible drought and were forced to buy HAY to feed cows before summer was even over. Or the freezing temperatures can make calving difficult if there’s no place to keep that calf warm away from the ice and out of the conditions. Or with row crops you never know how the weather will hurt or help your crops. For instance this year with all of the rain most farmers didn’t get all of their soybeans in.

With BIG risks comes BIG rewards! Or that’s how it’s suppose to work. It doesn’t work like that all the time with farming but you hold on and hope the next year you can make up for the loss you maybe took the year before.

I hope when our children are our age we are established enough so they don’t have to worry about trying to find the money to start farming if that’s the career they choose to take. Farmers and farm families persevere because that’s what they were taught and shown to do. I don’t know a farmer out there that wouldn’t do anything they could to keep the farm they have. It is a sense of pride to pass down something they have worked so hard for to the next generation, in hopes they will do the same.

So to all those young farmers out there…..keep your calm and keep farming (or ranching). Keep your eye on the prize and remember it won’t always be this hard.

In 2009 I was diagnosed with bipolar depression and severe anxiety. I have had my many ups and downs. Thanks to medicine, family, friends, and sometimes praying until I can’t pray anymore I have been able to stay afloat for the past six years. Everyone says leave all your worries to God but I can’t ever seem to. There is such a stigma against mental illness. So many people think its all in a persons head, that its a shout for attention, and it’s all something they make up. I can’t count on my fingers and toes the number of times that someone has told me it, it’s all in your head, its your mindset. Yes, sometimes it may be, like I posted in my blog last week. However, 95 percent of the time it’s not. For a person whose never had to fight a war against their OWN brain its hard to understand.

Nothing is scarier than thinking that the only way out is to end it. I am not proud of it, but I have had those thoughts many many times. It’s so scary!! Thankfully, I have had family to step in and intervene. Now more than ever, what yields me from those thoughts are my two littlest blessings. I don’t want to put them through that, but at the same time I often worry that there might just be something that pushes me over the edge. The battle with the mind is an AWFUL thing.

The normal word associated with BIPOLAR is CRAZY. Without my medication I honestly was, and even with medication I have my moments. So often I put on a front because I don’t want people to think I’m making it up or using it as an excuse. I am not! When I say there are days where I can’t drag myself out of bed I mean it. When I say I can’t be the first person to walk into a group of people (people I even know) I mean it. It is still so hard for me to walk in a large room or area with lots of people by myself.

When Seth and I first met, I was so confident. So passionate. So driven. I never have pinpointed what triggered the bipolar to make it’s front but it was my third semester at UCM. Change, lots of change, stress, and facing the unknown. Just a few weeks before our wedding I was at my worst. I hadn’t eaten in over a week ( I lost ten pounds). I hadn’t slept in days, and I wouldn’t leave the house. Seth had a welding presentation he had to give that day and couldn’t stay home. I called him probably 50 times (no joke) that day. I was a bit much. I called my parents over and over and eventually they showed up to find me pacing outside  shaking and crying uncontrollable saying I just want to end my life, I don’t want to feel like this. My dad was close to calling an ambulance but they chose to take me home. That night I cried I cried hard all night long. I shook and shook. The next morning my mom took me to the doctor and I was placed on my first medication for anxiety and depression.

I felt like a failure. I had become one of those people who uses mental illness as an excuse I thought. I thought I could fight it with nothing. That I was fine. I was wrong.

Over the next few weeks, I put Seth through living hell. Sometimes I feel as though I still do. My life is an emotional roller coaster, but whose isn’t.

I’ve learned my biggest triggers are change and my marriage.

I will admit and admit over and over, I have taken Seth to hell and back and much of it he doesn’t deserve. I am not proud of some of the things I have done to disrespect our marriage and those vows we stood up and said in front of family and friends. Life is waaaay waaay to short to live unhappy. I stress to those getting married to never stop dating it is so important. Our lifestyle of farming has put so much stress on our relationship. I love being a farmers wife but at times I get where I don’t understand why he’s never home to help. I’ve learned that’s just part of it, and I am trying my hardest. I try so hard, I do Seth and I hope you see that. Life is hard, so hard and I am trying to realize that’s just how it is and I have to continue to move forward and tackle any obstacle life throws at me.

Starting Monday our life will change and I am so scared! I am so scared of it triggering another episode and I am trying so hard to keep my mind in check. G starts preschool and I will now be a full time stay at home mom. I am excited at the opportunity to stay at home with my children and help their minds grow but I am so scared that the loneliness and exhaustion are going to bury me. Being married to a farmer means he is up and out the door before the kids wake up and home late after they are in bed. I honestly don’t know how single moms do it. You guys are super heroes in my book!

Some may read this and be thinking she just needs to suck it up and get over it. To an extent I agree but on the flip side adding the games I play with my mind adds a whole other aspect to the situation.

I wish I could put a microphone on my brain some days. I wake up thinking, geez I let my kids sleep to long. I’m not feeding them a healthy breakfast, I let them watch to much TV. I don’t spend enough time with them. I don’t keep our house clean enough. I don’t play with our children enough—these are thoughts all moms have I’m sure, or at least I assume they do. Then my brain takes it a bit further I put all those together and start to think I’m worthless that I don’t deserve to be a mom. That Seth and my children deserve better. That I can’t keep a job or keep our house clean that I’m worthless. That my husband deserve a woman who can wake up make his breakfast, keep his clothes clean and happy. That everyone would just be better off without me. One wrong comment and I tend to go off on Seth. The witch unleashes and I let my mind get the best of me.

I feel as though I am good to Seth. I may have not always been and I’m sure there are some days I’m not. I feel I am more than lenient and let him get away with more than most. I honestly do this because I feel like he has to put up with so much with what I put him through that he deserves to do what he wants. This however is hurting our marriage in return.

I pray that someday I find the old Brittany. The one who could stand up in front of a large group of people and talk. One who when talking to someone or meeting someone for the first time could look them in the eye. The one that when she put her mind to something she achieved it.

Tonight, Seth and I had a little fight and I am having one of those nights where I can’t sleep. Where my mind is angry and upset and won’t shut off. A night without the kids and instead of watching a movie and cuddling up with my husband has resulted with me sleeping on the couch.

Writing is a release to me. It is a way for me to get those crazy bottled up feelings out so I don’t snap.

All of this may be to personal and too much information. However, the way I look at it is that someone may read this and relate and know that they aren’t the only one. There are others who struggle with the same issues and are willing to share it out loud for the sake of those who don’t feel they can or don’t see the need to.

Know that you aren’t ALONE that there are people who care and are willing to help and listen. I have been fortunate enough to have those people in my life. I hope someday I can pay it forward and help someone who has walked or is currently struggling down the dark path of mental illness.

Pray for those who are struggling. Pray for those who don’t believe mental illness is real, and pray for those living or married to someone with mental illness. Its not an easy road but at least they have EACH OTHER to make it through TOGETHER.

YOU AREN’T ALONE–THERE IS SOMEONE ALWAYS THERE TO LISTEN.