New Year……New Station

All of social media is about to be flooded with peoples New Year Resolutions. Today is New Years Eve after all and people who have their crap together have already been thinking about this. I personally, have been procrastinating because frankly I don’t want to think about all I need to change and do.

As I sit here in my sweatpants that are fitting a little tighter than they were at the beginning of the year. Eating a full bag of Kettle Cooked Chips, gazing down the hallway of laundry shame (probably 10 loads at least, just waiting) I can easily think of three things I need to work on…..eating healthier, working out, and keeping my house organized and clean.

Truth is though, I’m going to continue to put those things on the back burner because I’ve decided my New Years Resolution is to take more time for myself and love who I am.

As moms we often focus so much on our children that we don’t take the time we need. Lately, I’ve found myself having a shorter fuse when it comes to keeping my cool with the kids. I can’t enjoy my time with my kids because I’m to stressed out with all the things I need to do or should be doing.

So this year, I’m going to attempt not to feel guilty or that I need to rush when I drop my kids off or leave the kids with the husband so I can run an errand. I always rush around like a chicken with its head cut off because I feel like I don’t deserve the me time. Not anymore….it’s a new year so it’s a new philosophy.

Most of my alone time in the past year has been spent with cows. I’m not complaining one bit. I love my girls. I hope this year to trade some of the time with those girls to an actual girls night with some actual women not bovine. Go to a movie, go to a concert, take an art class…….

The next part is the trickier one……love myself and who I am. I have struggled so much with this one and quite honestly I think it causes 80 percent of the problems in my life. No one is harder on myself than I. Grady’s teachers at parent teachers conferences told us that if Grady was to get in trouble at school he would be harder on himself then they would. It was like a buzzer went off in my head. Our children truly do soak in what they see and hear. I am so hard on myself. I’m constantly saying sorry for things I don’t need to say sorry for. They have started to do that and it crushes me.

I need to love myself so they have a positive example in life. I don’t want my daughter to think she has to dress a certain way because all the other girls do. I stress out because I’m not the girliest and I have a hard time feeling like I fit in because of this. I don’t want my daughter to be or act this way. She needs to be true to who she is…..and I need to show her that.

They need to see a happy mom. They need to see the old me shine through. They need to see me smiling, laughing, and having fun. Instead of the crying and self criticism. They need to see me happy with who I am not stressing about who I need to be.

So as we head into the new year……I will be putting on my flannel and boots instead of the cute girly outfit I picked out for the evening. I am who I am. So as the new year begins I may not be truly happy with who I am but by next year at this time…..I’ll be on the right track. The song You Make Lovin’ You Easy by Zac Brown keeps playing in my head. If I’m happy and comfortable with who I am there’s no reason I can’t love who I am.

I hope you have a wonderful New Year…..may you have the strength to match your resolution. I know I’m going to need every little pep talk I can give myself tonight to start off where I need to be at midnight. So farewell, the train is leaving the station, next stop…….Love Yourself City.